


i love you. (say it back.)

by propeller



Series: everything that i know about you. [7]
Category: Dolan Twins - Fandom, Magcon (Video Blogging RPF), Video Blogging RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, as if they ever stop fighting, no context req, soft, they fight again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:41:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22097317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/propeller/pseuds/propeller
Summary: "I love you." A smile settled on Ethan's features as he expectantly waited for a reply - his gaze flickering over to the familiar face. A beat passed between them, and he narrowed his eyes."Say it back, Grayson."
Relationships: Ethan Dolan & Grayson Dolan, Ethan Dolan/Grayson Dolan
Series: everything that i know about you. [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1454998
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	i love you. (say it back.)

The first time that Ethan had half-heartedly joked about Grayson not 'loving' him back - it was a silent remark, voiced over two steaming mugs of instant, overly-sweetened coffee. They were sitting across each other, on a hotel bed, with their legs crossed, and Grayson had been nursing their MacBook in his lap - scrolling through their channel's statistics.

"Gray, I bet you don't love me as much as I love you." It was meant to be teasing, but Ethan immediately realised how much emotion he had poured into the statement, when his voice cracked. He had placed a hand over his own mouth immediately; as if he was terrified of saying something else that'd reveal all the burdening love he had for his twin brother. _Loving_ someone was hard - Ethan had realised. And, in Ethan's case - being in love was near impossible when you couldn't admit your love for the person you were infatuated with.

Grayson had barely acknowledged him; his gaze transfixed on their laptop. Grayson had nudged Ethan's shoulder, pointing towards their recently-uploaded video.

"It's on a million views already, and it's only been a few hours. Knew it was a good idea." Grayson wore a smug smile, his expression triumphant. He looked up, and met Ethan's eyes. "Did you say something?"

Faking a smile, Ethan had simply shook his head. "Nah."  
 _I don't give a shit about views, Gray. You're the only thing I care about._ Was what he wanted to say.

\--

Sometimes, Ethan would wake up, and he'd be panting - beads of sweat dripping down his face. On those nights, he'd clutch his chest desperately, feeling as if his heart had somehow _fallen_ out. He wasn't sure if he was relieved, or extremely disappointed when he realised that everything was okay, and that - _no,_ his heart hadn't gone anywhere. (Much to his disapproval.)

On those nights, he would have dreams about living his life without Grayson. In the alternate reality that had made its home in Ethan's nightmares - the dreams would consist of him living in an one-bedroom house - and his YouTube channel being called 'Ethan Dolan' instead of the 'Dolan Twins.' His family would consist of Sean, Lisa, Cameron, and himself - and Grayson wouldn't be in any of the family pictures.

Most people had nightmares about monsters, or previous traumatic events. But, _Ethan_? Ethan had nightmares about _Grayson not existing._

So, whenever a dream like that did happen - he made sure Grayson never found out. Because it'd be so _weird_ to admit that, 'Oh hey, I keep having dreams about you not being in my life one day. Funny, right?'

Which sounded fine, except for when it wasn't. Ethan was never a touchy-feely person; and he never expressed his vulnerability in front of others; it was something he just couldn't bring himself to do.  
  


* * *

Years changed a person a lot. For example, Ethan listened to Tame Impala more, and Cub Sport. He enjoyed rock-climbing more than ever, and he fucking _loved_ being vegan - and adored vegan food even more than his previous love for meat. He'd also been heartbroken a few times, by people who disappointedly weren't _Grayson._ Which killed him, because he could probably be able to feel as if it were real, tragic heartbreak if it had been Grayson who had hurt him. But they were various girls who had meant little to nothing once the relationship was done and dusted - and he found himself having to put on a pretence of sadness, almost, in front of Grayson when comforted after a breakup. _They don't mean shit to me, Gray._ Were the unspoken words - but his immoral feelings for his bestest friend would have to stay at bay. Never to set sail, in fear of muddying the waters of trust they had steered through during the years.

So, Ethan's only consolation? Was to admit how much he adored his brother, freely. In the most platonic way possible, of course. Because what is a desperate lover if he has none to express his undying love to?

"I love you." A smile settled on Ethan's features as he expectantly waited for a reply - his gaze flickering over to the familiar face. A beat passed between them, and he narrowed his eyes. They were cosied up together, on Grayson's bed. Sure, Ethan was the uninvited guest in this scenario - but that was irrelevant.

"Same." Grayson replied distractedly, hiding his phone's screen as he did so. This made Ethan falter temporarily, and he frowned as he wondered why he would do that. It wasn't normal of him - they didn't even have a password on their phones; enabling free access whenever. There were times where they had swapped phones out of sheer boredom - so to see Grayson hide his texts from him, made him raise an eyebrow, slightly hurt.

"Say it back, Grayson." Ethan murmured, his fingers tangled in Grayson's soft locks, his timid voice sounding unfamiliar to even himself. " _Same._ " Grayson repeated, ignoring Ethan's request - dropping the phone in his lap. He smiled uncertainly, and then reached out to smack Ethan's head when he didn't answer. Ethan grunted, automatically reaching up to rub his head in the spot that Grayson, _the asswipe,_ hit him.

"You're being weird." The older twin retorted, his eyes never leaving Grayson's face - who, in turn, shrugged it off. "Nah, _you're_ being weird. Are we gonna make plans for today, or what?" Came the cheerful reply. Ethan still felt that unease settle at the bottom of his stomach, but he decided not to push it - and shrugged it off, before half-heartedly suggesting plans for the day.

* * *

"Yeah, so, goodnight, love you." He beamed unsurely, hesitating, and then delivered the softest - most fleeting of kisses - on Grayson's forehead, who frowned sub-consciously, swatting him off as if he were a mosquito on a hot day; and continued squinting at their TV.

Ethan bit his lip, before reacting to the indignity of reaction with another smile, shrugging. He stood up, pulled his hoodie back over his bare torso, and began to leave the lounge - only pausing temporarily at the hallway to turn and wonder whether Grayson would reply with something. _Anything._

Nothing. Grayson Dolan was transfixed on his phone's screen, not even meeting his Ethan's gaze.

* * *

They had reached a point where they would grumpily eat dinner on the same table - looking anywhere but at each other. Ricky, was on the third chair - the awkwardness making the room feel stifling.

Grayson stopped shovelling food into his mouth for about a nanosecond, before looking at the salt-&-pepper shakers, that were evilly out-of-reach - right beside Ethan's elbow. He sighed wearily, before glancing at his brother. "Ethan, can you pass the salt, please." The words felt like shards of glass slipping down his throat.

Ethan ignored him - instead scrolling through his Twitter feed on his phone; eyelashes fluttering in mock obliviousness.

This made Grayson grit his teeth in irritation, and he glanced towards Ricky, who wouldn't meet his eyes either.

" _Fuck you_." Grayson murmured under his breath, pushing himself away from the table, and getting up to leave. Ricky looked up cautiously, his eyes darting between the both of them, not wanting to interfere.

"Yeah. _Love you, too_ , bud." Came the deadpanned reply from Ethan; who didn't even hesitate once before he said it; his eyes watery. Instead, he kept his gaze down - not wanting to show Grayson the expression in his hazel irises; an expression so full of bittersweet affection, that it would probably spill, and come out as the form of cascading tears - if he looked up.

"Yeah, well, I can't relate." Grayson had fumed, in heat of the moment, storming out of the room. It was something he'd come to regret later.

* * *

_They still weren't on talking terms._

"I'm going out." Ethan had huffed, later that same evening, his palm on the doorknob. "Great." Gray had shrugged off, scrolling through his iPhone again.

Ethan swallowed the lump in his throat, determined not to let any of Grayson's, ( _the assclown's)_ , retorts affect him. "I don’t know when I'll be back." He added, still waiting for some type of reaction.

Grayson looked up for half a second, before smirking obnoxiously. "Even better."

* * *

They had Ricky over, and as usual, he was seated at the dining table - comfortable. Grayson was leaning over his shoulder, pointing at something on the laptop screen, before he resumed his attention towards his iPhone.

"And, so, I told him that we couldn't make it, yeah, but he was too-" Ethan was in mid-sentence, raising a spoonful of chicken soup to his mouth, before realising that Grayson was lost in his own world again, his eyes fixated on his iPhone.

Just as Ethan was about to protest; Grayson murmured a distracted "Yeah" and nodded along, still not raising his gaze. This made Ethan thin his lips, before he continued his _incredibly interesting_ story. "- Annoyed about it for no reason, so I asked him why, right -"

Grayson wasn't even _looking at him._ Ethan could hear the 'whoosh' of another notification ding through - a sound that made Gray smile temporarily - and that was the last straw for Ethan Grant Dolan.

Cutlery clattered to the floor as Ethan pushed away his bowl of soup, genuinely irritated. "Can you pay fucking attention _to me?"_

"What?" Grayson finally looked up, the smile on his lips instantly dissipating as he took in Ethan's reaction. "Chill out, E." The situation was amusing to Gray, who scoffed before typing out another text. Grayson's douchebag mustasche that he would _not_ shave off, and was keeping lately, was pissing Ethan off even more than usual.

"No, I'm not _gonna._ You've been _texting_ every single minute, this entire week, and you won't even talk to me. Who are you trynna get laid with, Gray?" Ethan snapped bluntly, folding his arms, a lock of his hair falling above his left brow. He was pouting, but not in the way he usually did when he wanted something. He looked like a child who had accidentally killed a bug he caught and put in a jar, screwing the lid on too tight and not giving the poor creature any air.

Grayson snorted - resting the phone on the table, before mimicking Ethan and crossing his arms as well. "Did the princess want _some attention_?" He cooed, knowing deep-down he really shouldn't have - that Ethan was sensitive about the smallest of things, and that aggravating him further would be of no help. Then, as the cherry on top, another notification dinged through, and Grayson met Ethan's hazel eyes as he picked up the phone, almost waiting for a reaction, and started typing again. 

Like clockwork, Ethan pushed his chair back and stood up, glaring at Grayson. "Eat shit." He swore, leaving the room, automatically in another one of his moods. Grayson snorted, raising his eyes to the ceiling in annoyance.

"That's basically what I eat every time _you cook something, anyway._ " He called out to Ethan's exiting back, and Ethan flipped him off, before slamming the door shut behind him.

Needless to say, they didn't get a chance to film another video that day.

Or the day after.

Or _the day after that._

* * *

Ignoring each other got boring quickly. At-least, for Ethan, anyway. Grayson was too pre-occupied with his phone, still texting some mysterious person - and keeping his phone with him at all times, so that Ethan didn't even have the slightest chance to see who it was.

"We've got a meeting with our editors." Grayson finally acknowledged. He didn't want to speak to Ethan, but he knew it'd just make things worse if he went without him.

Ethan barely glanced at him.

"Ethan." 

No reply, yet again.

Grayson rolled his eyes, scoffing sarcastically. "You're so immature. So, _so_ _immature."_

  
"Excuse me?" Ethan looked up, feigning ignorance.  
"You're fucking excused, E."  
"That's a joke. Thanks for excusing me, Gray. It's an honour."  
"Shut the _fuck_ up."

"Are you gonna text your new girl and tell her about this argument too? You've probably told her everything anyway." Ethan's voice wobbled slightly, and he gripped the end of the table for consolation. 

"What girl?"

"Stop acting dumb. It's not cute on you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Grayson raised his voice, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"The girl you've been texting this entire time." Ethan swallowed the lump in his throat, glaring unwillingly at his twin in expectation.

"Oh, so you've been going through my phone, have you? _Fucking great_. Love how you're respecting my privacy." Grayson deadpanned in disbelief, before grabbing his iPhone off the table sub-conciously, completely sick of everything.

In midst emotion, he turned towards the doorway - before meeting Ethan's eyes again. "Don't talk to me." Grayson finished, before storming out of the dining room.

 _Fuck Grayson._ Ethan thought to himself. He could get on with his day without _stupid, rude_ Grayson ruining everything.

* * *

"I'm sorry." An apologetic Grayson mumbled, trudging into Ethan's room; nursing a bouquet of sunflowers in one hand. The room's lighting was dimmed, and the curtains were drawn - and Ethan lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Lazily, he tilted his head to see what the _fuckwad had to say for himself._ The sight of Grayson, in his camo pants, a douchebag shirt, and his Air-Force-One's, was a sight that he was used to. However, him holding _fucking flowers_ like some sissy, made him almost snort in amusement.

"What's that?" Ethan could barely manage; not wanting to laugh because he _was still mad._

Grayson drew a shaky breath, shrugging casually as if it was nothing for a grown man to be carrying around limp sunflowers in the middle of Winter. "Just something." He bit his lip, wanting nothing more than for Ethan to _smile._ For him to let him know somehow that everything was okay between them. No matter all the shit they went through.

An insecure Grayson almost made Ethan crack his resolve; but he still glared. "Who's it for?" The older twin asked, almost carefully.

The question made Grayson scoff, as if it was obvious already. He held them out, almost as a peace offering. "For you."

"You're so stupid, Gray. I'm almost 20. Why are you giving me flowers?" Ethan shook his head, his cheeks dimpling. This was all Grayson needed, and he made his way towards Ethan's bed, pushing him over until there was enough room on the bed for both of them. Then, he gently laid the measly sunflowers on a pillow. "Because I was an asshole."

"You think?" Ethan bit his bottom lip to try to stop smiling. To no avail.

"I don't just _think_. I _know_ I was."  
  
The pain was probably visible in Ethan's smile, to anyone who wasn't Gray. He wanted so _much more._ But this gesture from his favourite person was a bandaid to place over his cracking heart, and so he readily took it. _For the time-being._

"Grayson, you're really stupid, and you can be a douche _most of the time_ , but I love you."

"I know that too."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> i almost ended the work with a 'and they lived happily ever after' and now im gonna log off


End file.
